originalpoems

Books read and observations of the world are retained in the mind, and free writing has made me more able to look those thoughts in the eye. Modern life has made people generally live a very cramped life, busy life has taken away the quiet and private, for people to think of space, so that the senses gradually slow down, the mind gradually numb. But all of this is broken when I create or enjoy my creations. Whether I am creating something myself or reading someone else's work, the process inevitably requires reflection, and reflection allows me to break down the rules I've taken for granted, and to break through the ruts of life. Writing is how I first learnt about the concept of ‘Chinese language and literature’. I began experimenting with modern poetry and prose at the age of 14, a habit that I continue to this day, as words alone sometimes cannot carry these feelings.

Many people, when they first learnt Chinese, were first introduced to poetry, and I was no exception. Often people begin their understanding with ancient poetry and then read modern poetry after their language skills are more mature. I think this is often because, in pre-classical and classical poetry, the process of evoking emotions through imagery is quite traceable. If you read Tang poetry, many images, such as ‘the moon’ or ‘wild geese,’ almost fixed convey specific emotions with direct answers. However, by the modern era, from the Song dynasty to the Republic of China, poetry developed distinctively and uniquely. Modern Poetry demands spontaneity; it is an outward expression from within, a process that is precisely the opposite of the classical approach of evoking emotions through imagery. This is even more obvious in modern poetry, where many classical images are strangely familiar, or the images themselves are unfamiliar objects, making the thoughts and emotions contained in the poems even more unpredictable. This uncertainty for me constitutes its charm - it leads me to think, and think more.

寫作是我最初瞭解到“語言與文學”這個概念的途徑。我從14歲開始嘗試自己創作現代詩與散文，這個習慣一直保留到今天。我選擇開始寫作，是因爲心中有很多話想說，卻發現單純的言語有時無法承載這些感情。讀過的書與對世界的觀察都會保留在心中，而自由的寫作讓我更加能夠直視這些思想。現代生活讓人們普遍活得十分逼仄，繁忙的生活奪走了安靜私密的、供人思考的空間，讓感官逐漸遲鈍、心靈逐漸麻木。但這些都會在創作或欣賞創作時被打破。因爲無論是自己創作，還是去閱讀其他人的作品，這個過程勢必需要思考，而思考能夠讓我打破習以爲常的規訓、破除生活的困境。

許多人，在第一次學習中文時，首先認識的是詩歌，我也不例外。通常人們會從古代詩歌開始暸解，在語言技能較爲成熟之後，再閱讀現代詩歌。我想這常常由於在前古典時期與古典時期的詩歌中，感物興象的過程是十分有跡可循的。若去讀唐詩，許多諸如“月亮”“鴻雁”一類的意象，它們所指的情感幾乎是程序化地擁有直接答案的。然而到了近代，自宋代至民國的詩詞卻有了獨樹一幟的發展。詩歌要求衝口而出，是由內心而外化的過程，與古典詩歌的感物興象恰恰成爲相反的過程。而這一點在現代詩歌中表現得更爲明顯，許多古典意象陌生化，或意象本身即陌生物像，讓詩歌中所含思想情感更加變幻莫測。這種不確定性於我而言卻恰構成了它的魅力——它引領我去思考，更多的思考。

從有了寫作的興趣以後，我在升入高中之後選擇了文學課程。在課上，我更加深入地學習了各種文體。印象最深的是在課上讀馮至的《十四行集》與卡夫卡。《十四行集》是我進入課程後讀的第一本書，當時我選擇研究了《死與變》，瞭解到了馮至的存在主義思想。馮至深受里爾克、歌德等人思想影響，同時也是中國新詩的領軍人物。馮至在此詩中展現了他獨特的中式“存在主義思想“，將西方傳統存在主義思想進行了革新。西方文化中不懈追求真理、好於邏輯上探險的精神使得一些詩人苦苦思索與探究死亡，雖其探險的動力是關注生命、熱愛生命，但往往陷於命題本身的魔圈而不能自拔。《死與變》中，馮至雖然說的是蛻變與死亡，但實際上他着重說的是生長，他所說的蛻變和死亡是指向新生的，並不是單獨地探討死亡這個命題。在蛻變與死亡的背後體現的是馮至直面生命有限性的強大的生命意志與堅韌的生長精神。因而品讀馮至，時常能夠感受到一種悲壯而宏大的生命力。卡夫卡則是在學習一年之後讀的。學《變形記》時，曾有老師提出過疑問：“爲什麼卡夫卡總是爲主人公設定一個“死亡”的結局？文學作品是否只有是悲劇、黑暗的結尾才是令人深刻的？”那時我回答，“如能有人書寫黑暗，或許也是一種慰藉，因爲同受痛苦之中，卻能有人發出呼喊，有意志與氣力將痛苦凝聚成文字表達，對於同樣境地的人，看到這些又何嘗不是安慰。”

我希望自己有能力將這種治癒的力量帶給更多的人，將思考的自由帶給更多的人，更加清醒地面對生活上遇到的困境。秉持着這樣的理念，我希望在未來繼續文學的學習，在此之中更多地思考。用創作將這樣的思考帶給更多的人，在生活之中尋找庇護。正如“我並不是英雄/在沒有英雄的年代裡，/我只想做一個人。”